Should You Listen to Your Inner Voice? How Your Conscious and Subconscious Mind Work Together

Have you ever stopped to wonder what your inner voice is saying?

For some people, the inner voice is truly a voice. It shows up as words, sentences, or an ongoing commentary running through the mind like “you should really get in your exercise today,” or “what if you say the wrong thing to someone you want to impress?”

For other people, the inner voice does not arrive as words at all. It may arrive as pictures, sounds, memories, body sensations, or a strong sense of knowing. It may show up as a quick image of something going badly, a feeling in the stomach, a sudden heaviness in the chest, or an old memory that appears seemingly out of nowhere.

When I use the phrase inner voice, I am referring to all of these experiences. I am talking about the internal guidance system we all have inside us. Sometimes it is verbal. Sometimes it is visual. Sometimes it is emotional. Sometimes it is so subtle we barely notice it until it has already influenced our choice.

The important question is not whether you have an inner voice. The more interesting question is whether you should listen to it. Like many interesting questions, the answer is not a simple yes or no.

Sometimes your inner voice is wise. Sometimes it is protective. Sometimes it is loving. Sometimes it is intuition, and tells you something you have no reason to know. Sometimes it is fear dressed up as wisdom. Sometimes it is an old belief that has been repeated so many times it now sounds like the truth.

Learning to tell the difference is one of the most important skills we can develop.

People often ask me how they can tell the difference between intuition and fear. That is not always an easy question to answer. Both can feel compelling. Both can arrive suddenly. In my experience, fear usually creates urgency, constriction and catastrophic thinking. Intuition is often quieter. It doesn't usually argue its case. It simply persists. Learning that difference is one of the reasons personal growth is such an interesting journey.

In my work, I think about the inner voice as one way we experience the relationship between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the part of us that analyzes, judges, compares, plans and reasons. It is the part of the mind that likes facts, evidence and explanations. It is the part of us that reads articles, makes lists and tries to figure things out.

The subconscious mind is different. It holds memories, associations, emotions, patterns, habits and beliefs. It keeps the body breathing, the heart beating and the systems of the body moving without requiring our conscious attention. It also stores an enormous amount of information about what has happened to us, what we have learned, what we have feared and what we have come to expect.

I’m a Clinical Hypnotherapist, and so it’s my job to help people see these sides of their mind, and to help them control and synchronize their thinking to make positive changes in their lives.

The subconscious and the conscious parts of the mind are in communication all the time. Most of that communication happens outside of our awareness. Every now and then, however, we become aware of it. We hear a thought. We see a picture. We feel a warning. We get a nudge.

That is often what we call the inner voice.

The challenge is that the subconscious mind is not always speaking from the present moment. Sometimes it is speaking from history or distorted thinking. That can cause problems.

For example, I had a client who was terrified of bumble bees. She was so afraid she absolutely never spent any time outdoors. She would run from her car to my office door, afraid of being stung in the 30 feet she was outside. This lovely woman had never been stung, but lived her life in deathly fear of bees.

Through our work, we discovered that as a child, she had inadvertently criss-crossed a fear of bees with a fear about her big sister possibly dying from a life-saving operation. Once we discovered a meaning behind the phobia, she was able to put it behind her. The inner voices saying she must be afraid of bees quieted. Being outside became a place she could be.

The subconscious mind is not usually trying to torment us. Twenty-four hours a day it is working to protect us. The difficulty is that the protective system can become overactive. The subconscious mind can begin to confuse discomfort with danger. It can take one past experience and project it into the future. It can warn us so loudly that we stop doing things we would otherwise be perfectly capable of doing.

This is where people often get stuck. They assume that because the inner voice is loud, it must be accurate. I do not believe that is true.

A loud thought is not necessarily a wise thought. A frightening image is not necessarily a prediction. A familiar belief is not necessarily a fact.

The goal is not to silence your inner voice. I am not sure that is possible, and I am not sure it would be desirable. The inner voice can be a source of wisdom, creativity, memory and guidance. The goal is to develop a better relationship with it. In building a better relationship with your inner voice, you can become more aware of when it is helping and when it is hurting.

Just like inner voices can be hurtful, they can also be super helpful. After all, it’s the inner voice which says “you can do this!” and “I know you’re nervous, but how about taking a chance?” Inner voices are the fuel for our growth.

Many people hear that inner voice in their head and follow it to accomplish all kinds of things. My inner voice has pushed me to write two books, build a self-hypnosis app, and grow my business. What helpful ideas is your inner voice bringing to you? There are more resources about tapping your inner voice for improved self confidence in my Hypnosis for Confidence resources section.

Dealing With Negative Inner Voices

When the inner voice is taking you to places you recognize are not healthy or productive, you can take action to reframe your thinking. There are a lot of ways to do this, but I like to start with what I call the N.E.A.T. Toolkit.

The N.E.A.T. Toolkit is a simple way to respond when your inner voice becomes anxious, critical or overly certain. It gives the conscious mind a way to evaluate what the subconscious mind may be offering.

N stands for Name Yourself.

Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try using your own name. For example:

“Michelle, what is the next right step?”

This may sound strange, but it can create just enough distance between you and the thought to help you think more clearly. Most of us are better coaches to other people than we are to ourselves. Using your own name helps you step into that coaching role.

E stands for Examine the Evidence.

Ask yourself, “What evidence do I actually have that this thought is true?”

Not what do I fear. Not what do I imagine. Not what happened one time ten years ago. What evidence do I have right now?

The conscious mind can be very useful here. It can help sort through the difference between a real concern and a rehearsed fear.

For example, I have worked with several clients on driving anxiety. Some of them have been particularly nervous about driving across bridges. We talk about the evidence - have they ever driven off a bridge before? Of course not. However the subconscious mind can become remarkably convincing when it is trying to protect us. Pointing out there is no evidence that this event is likely to happen is a good way of reducing the power of the inner voice. If you are interested in more on this topic, check out my resources for Hypnosis for Anxiety.

A stands for Advise a Friend.

Imagine your inner voice told you not to do something, like ask a new friend out to tea or posting a silly picture? Flip the situation. If a friend said this to you instead of your inner voice, what would you say to that friend?

Would you tell her she is ridiculous? Would you tell her never to try? Would you tell her that one mistake means the whole thing is hopeless? Probably not.

Most of us become wiser, kinder and more balanced when we are helping someone else. The trick is remembering that we are also worthy of that wisdom and kindness.

T stands for Time Travel.

Who doesn’t love the idea of Time Travel? Instead of listening to that inner voice, Ask yourself, “Will this matter six months from now? Will I even remember this a year from now?”

Some things will matter. Many things will not.

Time travel helps the mind regain perspective. It reminds us that today’s fear may not deserve to become tomorrow’s regret.

None of these tools require you to argue with your inner voice. That is one reason I like them. Arguing with the mind often gives the fear more energy. These tools invite you to pause, observe and respond.

That pause matters.

In the pause, you exercise choice. Without the pause, many people simply obey whatever thought happens to be loudest.

I’ve been seeing another client recently who has been ruminating on medical choices. She has multiple diagnoses, and what some of her doctors want her to do is the polar opposite of what other doctors want her to do. I faced a similar circumstance when I was overseeing the care of my late husband Bruce. This situation can be terrifying and seem like there is no great solution.

We are working on quieting her inner voice. It is essential that she keeps her inner voice, because she does need it to guide her questions and decision making. However, when it takes over your life because you are always thinking “what if …”, you can’t make decisions, you can’t take action, and sometimes other problems arise, like poor sleep. Fortunately she is making great headway and experiencing relief from this overthinking problem.

Avoidance feels good in the short term because it reduces discomfort. The problem is that avoidance can accidentally teach the subconscious mind that the danger was real. Each time we avoid it, the fear may become stronger.

This is where help can be useful.

There are many things people can do on their own to work with the inner voice. Awareness helps. Journaling helps. Talking with a trusted friend helps. The N.E.A.T. Toolkit can help.

But sometimes the pattern is deeply rooted. Sometimes anxiety has been rehearsed for years. Sometimes a phobia has become attached to the body’s automatic response system. Sometimes the conscious mind already knows the fear is not logical, but the body reacts anyway.

This is often where hypnosis can be powerful.

Hypnosis works with the subconscious mind, where many of these automatic responses live. It is not about forcing the mind to be quiet. It is about helping the conscious and subconscious mind work together in a healthier way.

When that relationship changes, the inner voice often changes too. It may become calmer. It may become wiser. It may stop shouting warnings from the past and begin responding more appropriately to the present.

Should you listen to your inner voice?

Yes. But listen with discernment.

Listen the way you would listen to a friend who cares about you but does not always have all the facts. Listen the way you would listen to advice that may be useful, but still needs to be considered. Listen with compassion, curiosity and a willingness to ask better questions.

Your inner voice is part of you. It deserves attention. It does not always deserve the final say.